Fighting for Balance

Riding has become a compulsion. I feel positively driven to ride any day that I can possibly fit in the tiniest of rides, always Tuesday through Friday. Unusually busy days like today are a struggle. I started fighting with myself yesterday: "but if I leave the house no later than 8, I can fit something in before I start teaching." or "Maybe I can stay and ride after my last lesson... I won't get home too much later than usual."

The problem is that I am tired. I am not reading, writing or taking the time to study riding theory (which I love) or study my Bible (which I also love). My babies aren't getting the extra walks I promised them... Not too mention my husband who thinks I would rather be at the barn than at home.

I love riding. Every second I spend leading the horse into and out of the ring, on a horses back, or grooming is a treasure and a blessing. Even when I am struggling with a problem, Matilda is resisting or she and I are fighting, there is happiness to be found in the saddle.

But I have to find ways to give time to the other joys in my life. Balance is so much a part of horses and it can't be just balance of body. It has to be balance in body, breath, thought and life.

It grates me a little but I will not ride today. I will enjoy my first day in my fleece lined cargo pants (since I won't be wearing riding pants). I will spend a little extra time petting the dogs and have that second cup of coffee. I will leave the barn early today, if possible.

And as I sit back, take a breath and sip my coffee, the thought crosses my mind: if you break your leg this weekend, you will regret this....

Sigh.