Never Give Up, Never Surrender!!

I have an audience for my work with Matilda. I've noticed all these horses coming and watching us. Is it just me or are these stares somewhat judgmental?

I was at the barn Thursday and Friday this week and this will be a summary of both days.

We are still working on Matilda learning her first word, "touch". Thursday was a bit of a mess with no clear progress made. My difficulty was waiting for that moment of focus.

When you work with dogs and they learn a few behaviors and tricks, quite often they will reach a point where they offer every behavior they know, unasked for, in order to get a reward. There are many times when my girls see a treat in my hand and start giving me their paws, barking, twirling and laying down in a "dead dog" posture while I just stand there and watch. Eventually, the dog gives up, sits and looks at you with a big sigh as if to say, "Fine, what do you want?!" At this point I can ask for something and give the reward, but I try to never give a reward for a behavior that I haven't asked for, even if it's the one I wanted.

This has not been the case with Matilda. She never gives up. Neh-ver. That constant motion goes on and on. I watched the head swing back and forth, watched her back up and walk forward, nose, nudge and chew on the target. My heart bled for Matilda as she tried everything she could think of to get those tiny pieces of carrot. She even mastered the quivering lower lip; I started to look for and expect a tear from that eye. oy.

I tried to wait for a moment of stillness that I could speak into, but it just didn't seem to come. My own impatience got the better of me that day and there was no real communication between us. I had to realize my own inconsistencies in trying to push this exercise. If I could manage to be truly consistent, she might have gotten this faster. As I left the barn on Thursday, I considered simply moving on to something more interesting and, on the surface, relevant. I felt like I had spent a significant amount of time beating my head against a brick wall and was beginning to wonder why I was spending so much time on this one, silly thing.

On my drive home, however, I came to an understanding with myself. This is about much more than simply touching a target with your nose or even understanding a word. This is about Matilda understanding focus, paying attention, listening, waiting for me to ask her for a behavior and, God forbid, thinking. I simply can't give up. Then I thought of a new idea that could help Matilda and me understand what is supposed to be going on.

On Friday I reversed my tactics. Matilda was much less interested in my person and my carrot pail (YAY!); she was obsessed with the target. SO today I began by clicking when she left the target alone. Over our time together, this morphed until I was only clicking when she took 2-5 steps back (which we had worked on earlier: thumbs up!) and looked at me.

Sidebar: It's hard to tell when a horse is looking at you. There is a little guessing involved. This is especially true of Matilda, whose ears rarely flick forward.

Once she was backing up and giving me her attention consistently, I added a second click for not moving forward right away. When she was consistently holding that position, a few steps back, I said, "Matilda, touch." She tried a bunch of stuff, backing up some more, touching the carrot pail and my hand, before she touched the target but she did it.

We continued on with that pattern. I clicked for both backing up and giving me her attention and for nosing the target after I asked her. This has been an incredibly slow process, but I do believe it is an important one. Matilda continued to expend a lot of energy moving around randomly, but things improved as the day went on. I found that I was able to create that moment of stillness and I think we are on the right track. I wish I could say, "She got it! We're done with this!" Alas, that is not the case but I think I finally got the method correct and we are actually moving forward.

In our break time together, we are simply building trust. Matilda doesn't trust me and I don't understand her. Between Thursday and Friday, I found out that she prefers a quick, light stroke, as if I were brushing her (imagine that!) rather than any kind of constant contact. She was not comfortable with me touching her anywhere but on her haunches on Thursday. She would turn her head and make a nipping motion at me if I tried anything else. By the end of Friday, using the short brush stroke with my hands, I was able to move from her haunches all the way up to her withers (the base of her neck) before she let me know that she was uncomfortable . At one point she let me rub circles on her sides and perhaps even enjoyed it. Trust is earned and I am certainly paying my dues here.

She won't walk with me as much during our breaks, she prefers standing close to wherever I throw the pail and target stick over the fence. I can only assume she is waiting for me to get back to work. Occasionally I like to squat close to the ground (not recommended, by the way), intentionally making myself a little vulnerable, so that she can check me out comfortably. I have been surprised to find her even more gentle with me in these moments.

Looking back, I can see that there is a lot of cautious give and take between us. It's only been a couple of weeks since we started working together so the caution is a necessary evil. I know it will get better. I love to walk next to my own horse with my hand resting on her back or neck, feeling her movement. I am impatient to find that moment with Matilda, but every time I try she lets me know very clearly "not yet." I will keep trying though.

One last thing that I have added, I have started clicking and inserting the word "come" when she approaches me as soon as I enter the paddock. Teaching her to come when called is on the to do list, so why not? This seemed like a logical start. On Friday, when I came into the paddock to give her the "we're done" apple, she took a couple of steps towards me and stopped, quite a distance away, and looked at me. I didn't have the target stick, but said "Matilda, come" and she began to approach me very slowly. When she was about half way to me, I clicked and tossed her the apple.

A happy accident? Probably, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

But I Don't Actually want to WORK!!

But that's exactly what it felt like today, work, right from the beginning.

On Friday I was amazed that Matilda would leave her hay to come and see what I was up to every time I entered the paddock. Not so today. She completely blew me off and was determined to eat every blessed scrap of hay before coming to check things out.


Unfortunately, with the methods I am using and place that we are working, if Matilda doesn't want to work, there is not a thing I can do about it. I waited. I paced. I sat. I took pictures of my equipment so that you could see my target stick, little white pail and clicker. I thought it would help you visualize whatever you read about here. I probably waited a little too long, but finally got fed up and left. I had other horses to spend time with and could come back to Matilda later.

When I came back, about an hour later, she came right up to me. (Gee thanks, your majesty. Sheesh!) The good thing is that she walked up and touched the target so I knew she hadn't forgotten everything over the weekend. My goals for today were to see how she would do walking with me (aka following the target in motion) and to introduce Matilda to the word "touch".

It was clear that following the target was not a problem today. After a little review, she was easily able to track it and walk along side of me. In fact, I had to really move along to keep ahead of her.

Learning the word "touch" was another matter, for both of us. I suspected that it would not be easy for her to understand that the strange sounds I make actually have meaning, but I thought she would pick it up faster. (I keep saying that. At some point you would think that I might adjust my expectations.) Here again, I think the big part of the problem was that my cues were a little muddy. She was all over the target, the stick and my hands. Touching everything, moving the stick up and down with her nose. I was very careful to only give her the reward when she touched the target after I said the word "touch". I just saw no progress in her understanding. The little light bulb was not going on for her.

We took a break. This was our first break together with no food. Remember, she had already eaten all of her hay. We really didn't know what to do with each other. Interesting. I ended up walking and was pleasantly surprised to find her walking with me in a fairly polite manner. A couple of times she would turn right and, just to see what she would do, I turned left. She watched me walk away and then came after me! Nice. I thought we must be bonding nicely until I tried to touch her face. She apparently doesn't like that. Matilda attempted to bite at me almost every time I moved a hand toward her face. Stroking her back or neck was not much easier. In her defense, we have spent a lot of time working on her moving away from me. I am aware of that fact but it is so difficult, when you want to be kind and someone won't let you be kind to them. This served as a good reminder of just how much work is ahead of me, if we are to realize the vision that I have for Matilda. I made a mental not for the future "work on touching face."

We ended the break by playing a little bit of hide and seek. I hid behind a tree and she came and found me. I believe she thought I had lost my mind a bit at that point. Maybe I had.


It's a funny thing, but now that Matilda and I are spending our breaks together, our second session is much more focused. At least that's how it seems after two tries... that's not a lot, I'll reassess that statement later.

In any event, we started up with the same exercise and, watching her work the target, I realized there was a lot of movement and chaos going on. She never stopped moving her mouth over the target and target stick. She moved her head back and forth touching the target then checking my clicker hand (it's nice to see that she knows where it is and understands enough to listen for it) and occasionally trying to overturn my pail. I was injecting the word "touch" into all this chaos.

A revelation: she's probably not even hearing me. A change in tactics: I went back to standing my ground and waiting. I feel like I do a lot of waiting for sweet Matilda. She stopped biting at the target eventually and went to the old standby: backing up a couple of steps. When she stopped moving, I said very slowly and clearly, "Matilda.... touch." It took a little time, she had to try a few things first, but she took a step forward and touched the target. Click/treat. We did this a few times and I felt that we were right on the cusp of a breakthrough when I ran out of carrots. I could have cried.

It was apparent that Matilda had been a little frustrated herself this afternoon and, with all that is at stake, I couldn't push any further. To push on would risk frustrating her further by asking her to give me behavior that I could not reward nor affirm. She made it clear earlier that contact (scratching, petting, etc.) from me is not enough of a reward for her at this point.... Our day is over. BLAST!

People tell me I have a tendency to anthropomorphize my animals, I don't care. I know that SHE knew she almost had it. When I threw the bucket and target over the rail and walked away, Matilda just stood there, not trying to get the bucket, not following me. She just stood there and watched me walk away. I could feel her saying, "But I almost had it." It's a little devastating to leave her at this moment.

BUT I must think of the positives, right? I have a very good launching point to teach her how to walk with me politely, I just have to affirm what she is already doing now, and I know where to pick up next time. My own teaching problems have been worked through yet again to give me clarity as to the next steps. I feel confident that she will have a good understanding of one word by the end of our next meeting... all is well.

Embrace the Dirt

Sometimes, you have to ask the question: why do we do the things that we do? With the answer can come renewed energy and focus or new ideas. With that in mind, I made two changes today; the first of which I believe will be particularly significant.

1) Why do we train our animals? There are many answers to that question. The one that helped me out today: so that we can enjoy them and increase their presence in every facet of our lives.

I mentioned before that I was trying to do 2-3 short sessions and leaving Matilda in between to do other things. After my somewhat frustrating day yesterday, as I was planning for today, it occurred to me that this was not a good pattern.

In the few days we have worked together, the second session always seemed weird. Matilda and I sort of lose our mojo in the time apart. I don't think I want to do one long session, but why not stay with her during our break? All I'm doing with her now is trying to teach and create boundaries, but I'm not really spending any time with her, not being a part of her life.

When I work with a dog, we take lots of little breaks. I don't send the dog out of the room at that point. We play together or love on each other, while I talk to the owner, always re-enforcing whatever boundaries have been established in a relaxed, easy-going way. I think an argument can be made that the true bond between animal and people happens during these times. Respect is built through teaching boundaries and discipline, but a true bond is built during the times between teaching.

2) The other change is the introduction of the target stick. Now that I have seen Matilda work with it, I sort of wish that I had started with target training. That's what the experts seem to prefer, but I'm a novice and therefore thought I knew better. There are advantages to her understanding how to back up out of my space, which I will explain later.

In its most basic form, target training is very simple. You just wait for the animal to touch the target (in this case it is a rubber ball on the end of a 4' stick). The trick is to not force the target on your animal. It's tempting, but I want her to engage her noggin, think and figure it out for herself.

I wish I had had a video camera when I first walked into the paddock. She was not happy about that stick. She left her morning hay to approach, but stayed a long ways off, pacing back and forth, checking me out with both eyes and snorting all the while. Signs of discontent, even I know that. She eventually went back to the hay.

This was my moment of temptation. Do I run behind her waving my stick, trying to tap her on the nose? That may be counterproductive. I decided to walk around the paddock, hanging back, waiting for her to come to me. I had carrots, so it was just a matter of time. She came and the first thing she did was check out the target (Click!), well after stepping backwards and forwards a half dozen times. That tickled me to watch her back up so much and so well. BUT you can't go back after that first click. I had to firmly establish in my own mind that the only thing she would get a click for today was touching the target.

Matilda was real mouthy today and had some new tricks up her own sleeve. She is getting very good at turning my little carrot pail upside down. They just don't fall out, thanks to my clever lid engineering. She also thought that nipping at my clicker hand might make something happen. She tried that a lot today. That's not fun, by the way. She was touching the target in between the nipping and pail turning, although not picking up on it as quickly as I would have liked.

I took things very slowly today, especially when I saw that she was having a little trouble shifting gears to the new task. Matilda wanted to be close to me, so the target stayed no more than 2 feet away from my person, always about waist high. She seemed uncomfortable with anything more than that.

When it was time for our break, the target stick and carrot pail went outside of the fence. Just her and me now. I walked back to her hay stack and she joined me as soon as she figured out that she couldn't reach the carrots. As she munched on her hay, my hands were all over her. I was tentative at first, the recent snow and ice and mud have left her in quite a mess and I didn't want to start into a formal grooming yet. At some point I just had to embrace the dirt, it's not like I'm in my good clothes and I might as well enjoy the moment of quiet between us. So I knocked the loose dirt off of her sides and face and scratched all the places that I don't think she can reach on her own. I massaged her shoulders and leaned against her, inhaling that good horsey smell. I believe this was the most important part of our day, truly.

We went back to work and were able to push on until she was touching the target a full 4' away from me. She could touch it all the way down on the ground (a precursor to teaching her to stretch) and about 6-7 feet in the air. I tried to get her to follow it (the beginnings of "walk with me") but she lost sight of the target after a couple of steps and couldn't quite make the connection. So that is where we will pick up on Monday.

One last thing, before I left Matilda, I walked her back to her hay stack to give her one last pat down. She walked right behind me with her nose on the back of my neck and stepping on my heels, even though the carrot pail and target stick were back outside the fence. I thought I would just have to put up with it since I was focused on not doing anything but target training today. Then I remembered that she knows how to back up! I'm allowed to re-enforce what she already knows. I stopped short and turned to face her. You know what that stinker did?? She backed up! I then turned again and walked toward the hay stack, this time I had to encourage her to follow. Which she also did. Makes a girl think that this might work after all.

It happens

Yesterday I was decidedly unfocused and had difficulty settling into the task at hand. Having had my plans blown apart the last two days, I came into this day with no clear plan and it showed. I was just all over the place, clicking for this and that. We were both a little confused. I am blaming it on the sun coming out for the first time in a week. It was an absolutely beautiful day.

Even with the lack of focus, we still managed to get a few things accomplished. I think Matilda could back her way across the paddock at this point. She clearly feels that this is the task for which she gets rewarded.

One of the first things I did, after greeting her with a click and carrot for not plowing into me as soon as I entered the paddock, was leave her. She stood and watched me walk across the paddock and when I turned around and faced her, to invite her to come to me, she took two large and deliberate steps backward. I don't know what the conventional wisdom is on horsey facial expressions, but I read confusion, as in "I guess I am supposed to step backwards, because that is what I do, but how am I going to get the carrot all the way over here?" I thought it was pretty funny.

That was the only time I was really able to walk away from her. I wanted to work on our spacial issues by moving into her space, so that she could move away, and then walking away from her so that she could approach me and learn to stop at an appropriate distance. Whenever I tried to walk away from her, after that first time, she was practically stepping on my heels... but she always took a step back when I turned to face her:) I discovered quickly that in order to have any chance at this, I had to be able to drop or toss the carrot on the ground where she could spend a little time looking for it.

I noticed on the very first day that Matilda did not understand this concept. She is used to getting treats from a person's hand and the idea that she might have to look for it was simply not there. There are many reasons why I need for her to do this, not the least of which is that I don't always want her to have to come all the way to me to get her reward. It seemed like a good place to start, especially since I couldn't get more than an arms length away from her in order to do anything else.

We began the same exercise, with me moving in to her chest or shoulders and waiting for her to distance herself, but this time after the click I would hold up the carrot so she could see it and say "Watch" (more for my benefit than hers) and toss it gently in the air so that the natural arc would always be within her view. I'm not sure if she was watching the carrot or responding to the gentle "thud" as it hit the ground but she started to get the idea. I had to show her the carrot, unwisely bending over to point and guide her eye and nose to it, about a half dozen times. Over time I was able to start tossing the carrot further away so she would have to search it out and I could walk away.

I started to notice a bit of an unwelcome pattern emerge. Whether I moved into her or she to me, she is touching the pail and/or me before taking her step backwards most of the time. I think our cause and effect is getting a bit muddled and to be honest, I was a little bored with the exercise. That may be part of the cause for my lack of focus. I need to start rewarding her only when she doesn't touch me, but I just couldn't go any further yesterday. I needed to pull back and think about exactly what I'm getting vs. what I want and how to make the transition in a way that won't overly frustrate Matilda.

In any event, I've got her picking up carrots off the ground and I am being touched by her nose more often than punched or mauled. She is being much gentler in her overall handling of me and there were several times that she was able to approach and stop without actually touching me. (Always celebrate your accomplishments, people, no matter how small)

I know now that, while there will always be an element of "winging it", I need a clear plan for each day and it's time to introduce the target training. Time to put her focus on something other than me and the pail. That being said, I am off to a couple of stores to try and find the stuff that I want and need for whatever is coming next.

Lofty Goals v. Reality (Mon. Jan. 17)

"Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised."
-Dan in Real Life (one of my all time favorite movies)


Things went so well that first day, that I thought I would be able to lock down "respect my space" in no time and be able to move on to something else. Not so. There was no one at My Barn when I arrived and Matilda's night time paddock mate, Black Jack the pony, was still in the paddock. I really wasn't sure what to do with Black Jack, so I just decided to ignore him. Not optimal conditions, but I thought I could manage.

Matilda walked up immediately, but stopped before she was on top of me. Good! Then she started testing me, nosing, stepping forward, then stepping back. She is getting a click each time she steps back.

One of the difficulties that I am going to have with this project is that I am teaching myself about the nuances of this clicker training at the same time I am teaching Matilda how to behave. This means mistakes will be made and progress will be slow. Here is where I made my first mistake.

I decided that Matilda was taking enough steps back that I could add in a verbal cue and teach her to back up on command at the same time that I was teaching her to stay an arms length away. It was too much. Matilda got frustrated, I think she was worried about moving too far away from me and the carrots, especially with Black Jack lingering and watching. In our second session she started pinning back her ears and chasing Black Jack away. I was worried that if I push her too far, her frustration and irritation with Black Jack might get transferred to me and things just might get a little too confused and muddled.

I ended up taking the verbal cue back out and re-thinking the space issue. When you are doing clicker training, it is apparently important to focus on ONE THING, maybe visualizing it in its totality. If I am going to teach Matilda to respect my space, that means she needs to keep a safe distance from me no matter where I am. I started moving into her left shoulder. She turned to face me, then backed away. Ah yes, this is what I am talking about. No mixed messages, no pushing for more steps back, just keep away from me. My ultimate goal now is that she is simply far enough away so that she can't punch me in the gut and I have to reach out to give her the reward.

I moved slowly around her, never further down her side than her shoulder. Things were certainly too tenuous for me to try to get to close to her back side. I just moved slowly from shoulder to shoulder and let her turn and back away. Very nice.

Before I left My Barn for the day, I had an apple to give her. I think this will be a nice routine each day: when she gets the apple, we are done, I won't ask her for anything else. When I entered the paddock, I was as far away from her as I could be, maybe 50 yards. She looked at me and started walking to me, I waited for her. She stopped so that her chest was about an arms length away, nosed my belly and took one step back. Click/apple!

Two steps forward, One step back (Thurs. Jan. 13)

My primary goal for this first day is to teach Matilda about the clicker. This is a two fold goal because first, she has to learn that the click means reward and second, she has to learn that the click is not random, it is linked to her behavior. Now God has blessed me in life by providing me with a multitude of highly food motivated animals, so I don't foresee any problems with the first part. I am not so sure how the second part will go.

Matilda is the horse version of a close talker. She loves to be near to her people and steps on feet, punches you with her sizable nose, nips and shoves, so I came into the day with two options to start with: respect my space (stay an arms length away) or target training (touch something with your nose). Both are good launching points and necessary.

Part of my plan is to do 2-3 short sessions on each visit to the barn, at least 3 days a week. I launched into my first session by simply entering her paddock. She spends a few hours alone in the paddock most days and, since the paddocks at My Barn are nice, rocky, soil paddocks, there are few distractions there. I am armed with a clicker and a small pail of carrots. I cut a hole out of the lid of the pail that is big enough for my hand but too small for that nose of hers.

As Matilda approached me I began to wonder if this was a good idea. I have no divider and no control over her, she is not even wearing a harness. In fact the only control I have is this little one and a half inch clicker and she doesn't even know what that is yet! Nevertheless, I have spent some time in the paddock with Matilda and feel like I know what to expect and am reasonably safe.

I started by doing a few simple clicks and treats, holding the bucket under one arm and the clicker all the way out, away from my body and on the other side. Within a few clicks she was nosing my hand with the clicker and ignoring the bucket! She gets it. This is essentially the beginning of target training, touch my hand and click/treat. After a few minutes I left to give us both a break and work on some other things.

When I came back, intending to continue with the target training, Matilda had other ideas. Apparently leaving with some carrots left in the bucket was not a good idea to her. I got mauled. She kept her nose on the bucket, punched my stomach and arm (not hard, no worries) and nipped at my hands... forget target training.

Standing your ground is not an easy thing to do with this girl, but I felt I had no choice at this point. I just waited it out. After checking me out from head to toe for what seemed a VERY long time, she finally pulled her head away. Click/treat. This went on for some time, a period of mauling, followed by the head being pulled back. Click/treat. Finally she stood in front of me and started just swinging her head back and forth, checking me out with both eyes. Click/treat every time she pulled that big old head away.

After a while, I decided I had had enough. I need more than this and we still have time and carrots. Matilda also needs to understand that this is going to involve more than her head. I'll be watching those feet too.

I stopped clicking for the head movement and watched her feet. Poor Matilda, she tried everything to get those carrots. When swinging the head didn't work, she went back to the old stand by, mauling. This time she actually did a nerve wracking full circle around me, taking time to check the back of my knees and under my hat. I stood my ground and eventually she came back in front of me and started swinging the head back and forth. Then it happened. My eyes were glued to her feet and I saw one move the tiniest bit back. Click/treat. That surprised her. We went through the mauling routine again and then she picked up her feet, but she moved FORWARD, much to my horror. I was certainly not going to click for THAT. I also refuse to click for head swinging, now that I've clicked for foot movement. I had to be patient. She was getting impatient, too, and stomped both feet in place. I'll take it. Click/treat.

After that one, I could almost see her thinking about it. And then, another step forward, another body check. She is going to have me on the ground soon, but I just couldn't walk away until I had one more chance to click. She pulled her head away and looked at me for a second and took one small step back with the left foot. Thank you Lord! One final click, the rest of the carrots and I was out of there!

I promise I will try to keep my posts shorter, that first one got away from me a bit. whew.

The Plan

The Plan? What Plan? I haven't even started and I am already behind. Those who know me are already thinking "typical" with rolled eyeballs. Ah well.

Seriously, though, the plan is to play it by ear and see how far I can take this. I have a "to do list" for Matilda and I, with things like: respect my space, target training, stand still for grooming and walk with me. I have loftier goals such as performing walk and trot circles off the line. Wouldn't that be cool? I would love to get to the point where I would feel comfortable getting up on her again, but one thing at a time.

Ultimately there are more important, necessary and immediate goals: have patience, start small, let Matilda learn at her own pace, etc. These are the most difficult. I have a habit of seeing what I want with the mind's eye and skipping steps 1-100, going straight to 101. I can't do that here. Matilda deserves my time, attention and patience. Besides, when one does that, one gets frustrated and quits. Kim said she will bug me if I try to back out and I trust her to do that.

So to start, Matilda must understand the clicker and what it means: "Click" means treat, it also means you are doing something right. I am debating starting out with "respect my space" or "target training" (touching some sort of target at the end of a stick). I think I will let her decide.

A Little Back Story

Meet Matilda, an eight year old Gypsy Vanner/Thoroughbred cross weighing in at about 1600 lbs. I've only been on her a couple of times, but I will always remember that first time with her. Well over two years ago, it was simply cantering. Not intentionally. I asked her to walk, she cantered. Trot, she cantered. Cool down, she cantered. I couldn't stop her either. All I could do was hold my seat and wait for her to stop, which she always did... until I would ask her to do something, then it was canter. I have to say that she was very kind about it. No sudden stops, gentle turns around the ring. Except for that one time that she used a tree limb growing into the ring to scrape me off her back, sort of like scraping batter off of the side of a bowl using a spatula. I landed on my feet so that one went onto the books as an "unexpected dismount".

Since I met Matilda, I have seen her break lunge lines and lunge line clips. She has pulled both of my husband's shoulders (also on the lunge) and lost him multiple times off of her back, once resulting in a compression fracture in his back the day before we flew to San Francisco. But the story of that trip is for another day.

Needless to say, there is no real love lost between Matilda and I. She is sweet, but quite a handful. To the best of my knowledge, she has been out in the pasture for about two years now. My Barn (the Barn where I am boarding a horse and take lessons - I think of it as My Barn, caps intended) has been changing around her and although she is loved and well cared for, there has been no one available to work with her. So now she is my project.

I have a wonderful Barn. A place of understanding and healing, one that has been patiently walking me through my own issues of slow learning, with an equal helping of passion for and fear of horses giving me four years of two steps forward and one to twelve steps back. Kim, the owner of My Barn, is now a mentor, teacher and friend. She has entrusted me with this horse, knowing that it will be an important learning and growing experience for both me and Matilda. I cannot wait to see how far I can take this.