Finding me.

I thought I was done with this blog. Someone suggested I journal and this was where my mind went. I don't think anyone is paying attention but I'm baaa-aaaack! I'll really be logging in for myself but anyone is welcome to join.

It's been over 2 years since Matilda decided she had finished her work. So much has happened. Both in the world and to me personally. Our dear Teo moved on about a year ago and my precious, precious Penny-dog felt I was ready to move forward without her about 6 months ago. They have become a three-legged stool in my mind and I am a bit lost without them. I might write about that later, just because I don't want to forget what they taught me (or tried to teach me... not a quick study).

The last 2 years have been too much about Covid.q😝 but I also found Warwick Schiller and his podcast about 6 months ago (look back for the connection). Through that I discovered a whole world of wonderful horsepeople who focus on connection and relationship. Truly amazing and mind-blowing things happening in the world. 

Kim did a life coach certification. I was one of her test subjects. A little rudderless at the time. My lesson program was in good shape. Newly married and happy. All was good but movement is important to me. I fear stagnation. Through her exercises, I found that horses and growth in my horsemanship were incredibly important to me... so I found a barn near home. One where I could take lessons from a Centered Riding instructor with a deep Parelli base.

Enter Margo. My Barn 2. My Friend. And her cast of characters. I'll save those details for later too.

ANYWAY...

I started reading my own blog from the beginning. Wow. I forgot so much. (Including how funny I am). Here's what's really interesting....

I have been working so hard to become the horse person (and person in general) that I really want to be. Meditation, Shamans, Trauma work, parasympathetic, sympathetic, awareness, authentic, etc, are all part of my daily life, reading, conversation and thought process these days.

But reading this (my own) blog, I am doing the SAME THING NOW that I was doing then with Matilda. Thinking about the same stuff. HUH???

So. The question came to mind: what if I am not trying to change but always trying to come back to my true self. And I am there. So not even a matter of "getting back to" but simply changing my perception of myself.. to embrace every part of me. 

I have a habit of seeing the hard and sharp edges but there is softness too. I wrote it. I lived it. I feel it. I just don't see it until I read my own words 10 years later.

So. I'm launching myself back down the rabbit hole and I think I want to chronicle the adventure. 

All of this to say, I bought a horse.